A Day to Speak of Heroes

May 30, 2010
Tomorrow we mark a day that honors those who died in the service of their country.

What character traits have these heroes shown?

Selflessness
Courage
Love of country
Love for others
Devotion
Faithfulness

That's not to say that all veterans are angels, but the character traits required for service to one's country can't help but inspire admiration.

What a perfect opportunity to ask your child: What does it take to be a hero?

Too often today, heroes are defined not by the list above but by looks, entertainment value, the coolness factor, and wealth.

Brad Meltzer, author of Heroes for My Son, says, “The one thing you need, in my mind, to be a hero is you have to help someone," His book, inspired by the birth of his first son, includes short stories from the lives of Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, Mr. Rogers and Jackie Robinson, among 48 others. Many are heroes whose names you recognize, but a number are not. Some are people who made mistakes but learned from them.

Elisa Medhus, the author of Raising Everyday Heroes: Parenting Children to be Self-Reliant sees the value of learning from one’s mistakes. She writes, “There is an increasingly common tendency for adults to rescue children from adversity: from want, from irresponsibility, from personal responsibility, from boredom, from self-assessment, from frustration, from challenges, from problem solving, and from the consequences of their poor choices.”

“The dangerous – and unintended – consequence of this parenting style is that children who are rescued from every conflict fail to develop the tools they need to rescue themselves.”

How will our children serve as heroes for others if they can’t even take care of themselves?

Many of today’s children look through the eyes of their peers to find their identity or form their self-worth. They grow up, wandering through life without an inner compass and without the skills to rescue themselves or others.

What can a mom do?

Medhus suggests that we first redefine heroism. Our children should know that a hero is one who does the right thing in spite of the consequences, is willing to brave ridicule, rejection, criticism. A true hero accepts the sacrifices that moral choices may demand.

And Medhus’s second recommendation is that we must acknowledge that the inner hero – the potential for greatness – lies in all children. We can foster their imagination, creativity, their belief that anything is possible. We can equip them with the skills to take off without us one day and to succeed.

You’ve heard it before, but the truth rings through:

There are two things we should give our children: one is roots, and the other is wings.

Re-tell those stories of heroes – real ones, family ones, ones from literature and the Bible. Teach them to say “thank you” to those who have served their country. Let them know that heroes are real people, and they’re often flawed. But who isn’t? Heroes, in spite of their flaws, reach outside themselves and show selflessness, courage, faithfulness, among other things.

How do you celebrate your child’s inner hero?
How do you give him roots and still provide wings?